Infohoarding

I was just reading an article on infohoarding at Wired. I see myself in it a little bit. I never heard someone called a "completionist" before but I have that tendency. It is almost impossible for me to delete the songs I don't like from an album on my ipod, even though I am at the limit of my storage capacity and I have to start culling. And I would really like to have my own copy of Project Gutenberg, I don't know why, I just would. I guess this is part of the reason I am going to library school and changed professions. If you can fulfill your compulsions at home, try to do it at work.

Guilt

Saturday morning, I have had my morning coffee and returned from my massage. I am quiet and contemplative. This afternoon I will go to a memorial service for one of my zen teachers. She was a wonderful woman, although, I guess I didn't know her well. She didn't share much of her personal thoughts. She was quiet and let her husband do most of the talking. I am feeling guilty that I didn't even know she was sick. I had fallen out of touch with them, haven't been to a meditation service for more than a year, maybe two, maybe more than that. In my guilt at not meditating, I evaded contact altogether. And now. And now I face it all head on and there is no turning away from it. What do I do in this helplessness, something I can change or solve or cure. I feel I made a mess and I can't clean it up. I want to run away and pretend I don't know anything about it. But I will take a deep breath and go, of course.

Catching up

Life seemed to get away from me lately. Here is a quick summary.

Regarding exercise:
I have been going to the gym after work (plan 2) and it has been pretty successful. I went 3x the first week, 2x + Sunday this last week. I do have less time and perhaps that is why I have felt more rushed than usual. But on the positive side, I feel less stressed after I get home.

Regarding culture:
Last Sunday (2/4) we went to see The Painted Veil. It is a beautiful film and a touching love story. I give it 4 out of 5 stars. Go see it if you have a chance.

On Friday night (2/9) we went to the opera! We saw Eugene Onegin. It was our first time at the Met and we thoroughly enjoyed it.

Regarding my life:
I was feeling really drained yesterday, partially due to a busy week at work, partially due to the late night Friday and maybe due to just being tired, in general. As a consequence, I wasn't productive and now I am not happy with myself. I caught up on a lot today and did go to the gym but I feel like everything happens so fast, I don't have time to process it. I don't have time to discuss things with my friends or family. I have all these micro imaginary conversations with people. I make plans that I never carry out. I have ideas that zoom around in my head until they fade away. I think writing about things here might help so I have taken time to create this entry. There is a discussion thread on one of my class forums about blogging and whether it is an ego-centric thing to do. I guess if the point is to get famous and have thousands of readers, one could conclude that. Why do people write diaries or journals? Why do people tell each other stories? I think it is partly to reflect on what has happened, to put some perspective on one's life. Maybe I write all this to slow my life down, to preserve a tiny bit of it before it is washed away in the stream of minutes and hours, duties and deadlines. Maybe as you read this, you will help me see myself as a person rather than a jumble of events and plans.

Where are the comments?

dessert, tea and coffee, originally uploaded by Saffron.

I was hoping that this blog would be a conversation of sorts, like all of us sitting around drinking beverages, coffee, tea, wine, ... except at different times. Please join me.

Joe Purdy

I made a kaboodle account and added a badge about the music I love or am listening too. My long commute has given me lots of time to listen to music and my ipod is as important to me as my bottle of water or umbrella for providing me a comfortable day's travels.

I learned about Joe Purdy because one of his songs was featured on Lost. Right now I am listening to his song, "Blue in the sky" from You can tell Georgia.

I can see blue in the sky when its raining.

Very nice song.
And another from the same album, "Balcony/Green eyes"

Green eyes are better than blue, I ain't trying to be mean, just telling the truth. It's enough to make me run away with you. Green eyes are better than blue.

It says something to me about the fickleness or inexplicability of human desire.

Can you spare some change

I have been working in the city for nearly a year now. I have gotten used to most things that I experience every day. I have mastered the subway. I can reach into my handbag, get out my Metrocard and swipe it without slowing my step. I know which end of the train to be on for optimum efficiency. I time the lights while I walk and carry my umbrella every day. I glare at the cars trying to make right turns into the crosswalk. But I don't know what to do when someone on the subway car starts to preach or sing or address me and my fellow passengers. There are often blessings and thanks and then he (its always been a man) walks through the car asking for money. I never give anything. I always feel badly. I have seen signs on the subway saying not to give money to panhandlers, rather to donate to a charity. I think this makes sense. But to see some who looks to be in need and refuse... This happened again on Tuesday evening. A man reciting something like a poem, full of blessings and prayers for our soldiers in Iraq. When he walked past, I looked down. Two men did give some change. One a man in dusty work shoes. Another a young man, in casual clothes. It seemed to me the the ones with the least were the ones who gave. And I still don't know what I will do when it happens again. Should I put some change in my bag or keep looking down?

Swirling words

“I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions."
--James A. Michener

Although I am around people a lot, during my travels to and from work and at work, I often feel alone with my thoughts, with no outlet for their expression. At these times, my thoughts feel as if they are swirling around my head, like a the small dust devils we marveled at as kids. It was one of the mental whirlwinds that spun the idea of this blog. I intend for this to be a outlet for the thoughts, ideas, observations, and images that inhabit my mind and which I never seem to have time to tell anyone. So by this definition, I am writing this blog for me. I am not trying to get a readership or serve some purpose. But, if anyone would like to swirl with me, they are welcome.